Going Back

For a few months now, I have been going back in my mind to a place I used to be. Not a physical place, but a place of the heart and mind. I have a growing desire to live a missionary lifestyle, and I'm trying to figure out what that means exactly. On one hand, I think it would be awesome to immerse myself into another culture, whether that be in another area in the US or overseas. On the other hand, I think I'm definitley where I am now for a reason and can live a missionary lifestyle right where I am. There's usually a tug of war going on inside of me. Living the American dream versus living out the God-given desires of my heart. Sometimes these two things don't mesh. At church yesterday, I felt convicted, in a good way, to be a giver and not a taker and to be a good steward of my time, gifts (including spouse and children), (our) money, the Gospel, and people. At times, I miss my "mission work"/traveling days! I'm in a different "season" right now: being a mommy. This definitely is priority, however, I can't help but wonder what God has in store for me for the future. Then, I think again. What about now? Our Sunday School teacher (yes, adults can have Sunday School, too!) mentioned yesterday something about planning (monetarily) for the future. Perhaps for retirement or going on the mission field. When he said that (the mission field part), my heart leapt inside my chest! That kind of talk excites me. I know I need a lot of training. And don't forget the hubby! (Nor the little one.) Don't worry, I'm not. I believe God is working on the both of us when it comes to our heart's desires and His plans. The missionary lifestyle definitely starts from the inside, out and in the here and now.